I do this all the time. Unfortunately.

Before you go any further in this post, please read the following...and then come back. I SAID COME BACK:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

While I probably lost about 99% of you to that blog (which is wildly entertaining, I'll admit), those of you that made the (difficult) decision to come back should know that I do exactly what she writes about. All the time. And, like Allie, it never seems to end well.

So why does that happen? Making positive changes in our lives should have a positive impact - something we should be more than willing to keep-up. And yet - for me, anyway - making too many changes at once leaves a lot of room for guilt to creep in and slowly demolish our newly responsible lives when one thing goes wrong.

The good news, though, is that there's a solution. Instead of changing everything at once in one drastic (and responsible!) swoop, why not make those changes over time? So that's my new goal - or really, my new goal to enact my other goals.

The first step was running. Instead of going all gung-ho and launching into an elaborate work-out regime that included pilates and gymnastics and wind-sprints, I luckily (and depressingly, I suppose, thanks to TDE) chose just to run. And that's just what I'm keeping going at the moment. Running in and of itself is not a difficult thing to do - for a good workout, it can take as little as 20-25 minutes or as long as your little legs desire. And since my running doesn't have to compete with 20 other new responsibilities, then if something goes wrong (say like right now, as I deal with the flu), then I'm not scrambling to reassemble my newly re-imaged life.

Over time, running will become a simple part of my day. There will no longer be times when I have to force my running shoes onto my feet, or trudge grudgingly across the asphalt for what seems like FOREVER (and is in fact just 3 miles). I will comfortable with it, and when that happens, I'll be able to take the next step.

Surprise! But not really.

So remember that time I said I was going to stop being awful? And then I didn't post anything for almost 2 months? Yeah, me too. Which means I am well on my way to fulfilling those goals, amirite??

So here's what happened:

1.) I moved. And by "I", I really mean my parents moved and I moved with them because I still don't have a job and blah blah blah. Also, moving an entire house-load of schtuff? It takes a lil' bit of time. Lil' bit.

2.) I went through what I'm now labeling "THE DARK ERA", or TDE, where I basically did a lot of sulking and struggling, and also became a black hole of communication (whatever went in, nothing came out. DUN DUN DUN). Unfortunately, during the weeks that TDE occurred, I wasn't in much of a mood to move/run/whatever. Which is really a pity, because had I been using all of my brain instead of only the omg-my-life-sucks part, I would have known that exercise can stimulate a release of endorphins. And I could've been all not-moody.

Oddly enough, though, in the final two weeks of TDE, I fell into the thinking that the more pain I caused myself, the stronger I'd be (all through exercise, of course. No, I was not a cutter). So I started to run. And run and run and run. On the days when I felt like everything was going to come crashing down, I ran without even knowing where I was going, or how far I went (which turned out to only be 6.5 miles). But I pushed myself, and after a run, the dull ache and stiffness in my legs gave me a feeling that I hadn't experienced in quite a while: a sense of accomplishment. I was becoming stronger, and as much as it hurt, I loved it.

In the last few days of TDE, which can be referred to as "THE SUPER DARK MINI ERA", or TSDME, I was more depressed and unhappy than I had ever been in my life, and my running slackened (only by a bit). Because what was the point? What was I working for? Well, the point was that maybe running - and bettering myself as a whole, really - wouldn't fix everything. It might not land me that ideal full-time aerospace job, or help me move into a place of my own. But it could give me that feeling of having accomplished something - enough so that I could face another day and keep on going.

So with more than a little help from my very excellent friends, along with my running, I decided that enough was enough. I may not have had a full-time job, or money, or my own apartment, but I had more going for me as a running, fully-functioning, communicative individual than a lethargic shut-in. And I broke free from TDE.

Where am I, post-TDE? I'm working two jobs - one as a customer service associate at Lowe's (Hardware and Tools, baby!), and another as some sort of paralegal assistant, doing title searches and copy-work. I work, I run, I eat, I sleep, and I job-hunt. It's not much of an existence, but it's sure better than one alternative.

But what are you doing to build a better you?, you're probably all crying in unison. Well, I'm still running, and I'm doing a whole lot of stretching. For the next month, I've decided to focus solely on training for a 5k that will be held on Thanksgiving morning. After that, I plan on going through a muscle-building phase, with hopefully enough running sprinkled-in to keep my legs satisfied.

One thing I've come to realize - and it's common sense, really - is that our day-to-day lives have an enormous impact on our attitude toward bettering ourselves. A rut in our lives can lead to a rut in our exercise and learning, as can a time when work and social hangouts are at an all-time high. But what we tend to forget is that it all works in the opposite direction - bettering ourselves can have an enormous impact on our day-to-day lives. And, if we remain determined and optimistic, it can create something more fulfilling than what we'd experience just drifting through our days.

So, as I jump off my soapbox (heel-click included, for an extra dose of HAHA!), it's obvious that I have a lot of work to do. And being post-TDE, I'm optimistic - but what does the future hold? It will hold its ups and downs, no doubt - although this time I'll *hopefully* stick to those goals of building a better me. Because even if my life is "in the shits", I'll know it's not from lack of trying.