So here's what happened:
1.) I moved. And by "I", I really mean my parents moved and I moved with them because I still don't have a job and blah blah blah. Also, moving an entire house-load of schtuff? It takes a lil' bit of time. Lil' bit.
2.) I went through what I'm now labeling "THE DARK ERA", or TDE, where I basically did a lot of sulking and struggling, and also became a black hole of communication (whatever went in, nothing came out. DUN DUN DUN). Unfortunately, during the weeks that TDE occurred, I wasn't in much of a mood to move/run/whatever. Which is really a pity, because had I been using all of my brain instead of only the omg-my-life-sucks part, I would have known that exercise can stimulate a release of endorphins. And I could've been all not-moody.
Oddly enough, though, in the final two weeks of TDE, I fell into the thinking that the more pain I caused myself, the stronger I'd be (all through exercise, of course. No, I was not a cutter). So I started to run. And run and run and run. On the days when I felt like everything was going to come crashing down, I ran without even knowing where I was going, or how far I went (which turned out to only be 6.5 miles). But I pushed myself, and after a run, the dull ache and stiffness in my legs gave me a feeling that I hadn't experienced in quite a while: a sense of accomplishment. I was becoming stronger, and as much as it hurt, I loved it.
In the last few days of TDE, which can be referred to as "THE SUPER DARK MINI ERA", or TSDME, I was more depressed and unhappy than I had ever been in my life, and my running slackened (only by a bit). Because what was the point? What was I working for? Well, the point was that maybe running - and bettering myself as a whole, really - wouldn't fix everything. It might not land me that ideal full-time aerospace job, or help me move into a place of my own. But it could give me that feeling of having accomplished something - enough so that I could face another day and keep on going.
So with more than a little help from my very excellent friends, along with my running, I decided that enough was enough. I may not have had a full-time job, or money, or my own apartment, but I had more going for me as a running, fully-functioning, communicative individual than a lethargic shut-in. And I broke free from TDE.
Where am I, post-TDE? I'm working two jobs - one as a customer service associate at Lowe's (Hardware and Tools, baby!), and another as some sort of paralegal assistant, doing title searches and copy-work. I work, I run, I eat, I sleep, and I job-hunt. It's not much of an existence, but it's sure better than one alternative.
But what are you doing to build a better you?, you're probably all crying in unison. Well, I'm still running, and I'm doing a whole lot of stretching. For the next month, I've decided to focus solely on training for a 5k that will be held on Thanksgiving morning. After that, I plan on going through a muscle-building phase, with hopefully enough running sprinkled-in to keep my legs satisfied.
One thing I've come to realize - and it's common sense, really - is that our day-to-day lives have an enormous impact on our attitude toward bettering ourselves. A rut in our lives can lead to a rut in our exercise and learning, as can a time when work and social hangouts are at an all-time high. But what we tend to forget is that it all works in the opposite direction - bettering ourselves can have an enormous impact on our day-to-day lives. And, if we remain determined and optimistic, it can create something more fulfilling than what we'd experience just drifting through our days.
So, as I jump off my soapbox (heel-click included, for an extra dose of HAHA!), it's obvious that I have a lot of work to do. And being post-TDE, I'm optimistic - but what does the future hold? It will hold its ups and downs, no doubt - although this time I'll *hopefully* stick to those goals of building a better me. Because even if my life is "in the shits", I'll know it's not from lack of trying.
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